Teen Anxiety: The Complete Guide for Parents

Teen anxiety can be hard to spot, even for parents who know their kids well. It might show up as a stomachache before school, a teen who lies awake worrying long after the lights go out, or one who quietly stops doing the things they used to love.

If you’re here, you’ve probably noticed something in your own teenager and want to know what it means and what to do. You’re in the right place.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, our therapists work with anxious teens and their parents every week. This guide brings together what we most want families to know, from the first signs to what actually helps at home, at school and in therapy, with links to go deeper on every topic.

A printable version with checklists, a fear ladder and a calm-down plan your teen can fill in. No email needed.

What Is Teen Anxiety?

Anxiety is the body’s built-in alarm system. When the brain senses danger, it speeds up the heart, tightens the muscles and fills the mind with “what ifs” so we can protect ourselves.

That alarm is useful when the danger is real. Teen anxiety becomes a problem when the alarm goes off too often, too loudly or over things that aren’t truly dangerous, like a quiz, a group chat or walking into a crowded cafeteria.

Normal Worry vs. Teen Anxiety

Every teen worries sometimes. Tests, friendships, fitting in and figuring out who they are all come with real stress, and a little nervousness can even help them prepare.

Teen anxiety is different in three ways. It’s bigger than the situation calls for, it sticks around for weeks or months, and it starts to shrink your teen’s world as they avoid more and more of what feels scary.

A helpful question to ask yourself is simple: is the worry getting in the way? When anxiety keeps your teen from school, sleep, friends or activities they care about, it’s time to take it seriously.

When Anxiety Becomes an Anxiety Disorder

Clinicians use the term anxiety disorder when anxiety is intense, lasts a long time and interferes with daily life. Only a licensed professional can make that call.

You don’t need a label to start helping your teen. Most of the ideas in this guide help whether your teen is going through a rough season or something that has been building for a long time.

Why the Teen Years Feel So Anxious

The teenage brain is still developing, especially the parts that manage emotions, plan ahead and calm the alarm back down. Big feelings can arrive faster than the skills to handle them.

At the same time, teens are carrying a lot: grades, college plans, sports, jobs, friendships, dating, social media and a constant sense of being watched and compared. It adds up quickly.

“No matter how smart you are, or how great your family is, adolescence is just a hard time for teenagers to navigate.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

When Your Teen Looks Fine: High-Functioning Anxiety

Some of the most anxious teens we meet look like they have it all together. They get good grades, show up to practice and say “I’m fine” whenever you ask.

Underneath, they may be running on worry. They stay up late to make everything perfect, replay conversations for hours or panic quietly before every test.

This is sometimes called high-functioning anxiety, and it’s easy to miss because nothing looks wrong from the outside. If your teen seems exhausted from holding it all together, pay attention, even when the report card looks great.

Teen Anxiety Myths and Facts

A lot of what we hear about anxiety isn’t quite right. Clearing up a few common myths can take some pressure off you and your teen.

Myth	Fact
Anxious teens are just being dramatic.	Anxiety is real. The body reacts as if the danger is real, and teens can’t simply switch it off.
If I ignore it, they’ll grow out of it.	Mild worry often passes. Anxiety that has lasted for months usually needs support, and avoidance tends to make it grow.
Talking about anxiety will make it worse.	Naming feelings usually helps. Teens feel less alone when a parent notices and listens.
Anxiety means I did something wrong as a parent.	Anxiety comes from many things, including temperament, stress and life events. Loving, involved parents have anxious teens too.
Good grades mean my teen is fine.	Many anxious teens are high achievers who work hard to hide how they feel.
Therapy means something is wrong with my teen.	Therapy teaches skills. Many teens find it’s simply a place to be heard and learn tools that work.
Keeping my teen away from stress protects them.	Avoidance brings quick relief but teaches the brain that the situation is dangerous. Small, supported steps work better.

How Common Is Teen Anxiety?

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health struggles for young people. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 31.9% of adolescents have had an anxiety disorder at some point, based on a large national survey of teens ages 13 to 18 conducted from 2001 to 2004.

More recent federal data points the same way. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 20% of teens ages 12 to 17 reported symptoms of anxiety in the past two weeks. For trends, Illinois numbers and how many teens get help, see our teen anxiety statistics.

The NIMH research found anxiety disorders were more common in girls (38.0%) than in boys (26.1%). Boys still struggle, but their anxiety is often easier to miss when it comes out as anger, shutting down or acting like they don’t care.

Anxiety is common enough that the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommends screening children and teens ages 8 to 18 for it. If you’re worried, your teen’s pediatrician is a good person to ask at their next checkup.

So if your teen is struggling, you’re far from alone. Plenty of parents are asking the same questions you are, and anxiety is very treatable.

Signs of Teen Anxiety

Teen anxiety rarely announces itself. More often, it shows up sideways, in your teen’s body, moods and the things they suddenly want to skip.

Where you might see it	What it can look like
In their body	Stomachaches, headaches, nausea, a racing heart, feeling tired all the time, trouble falling or staying asleep
In their feelings	Constant worry, irritability, feeling on edge, crying more easily, dreading what’s coming next
In their thinking	Lots of “what ifs,” expecting the worst, overthinking small mistakes, trouble concentrating
In their behavior	Avoiding people or places, asking for reassurance again and again, procrastinating, needing everything to be perfect
At school	Morning stomachaches, asking to come home, panicking before tests, falling behind or skipping class
With friends	Pulling away, turning down plans, worrying about what others think, spending more time alone

One sign on its own doesn’t mean your teen has an anxiety disorder. What matters is the pattern: how often it happens, how long it lasts and how much it gets in the way. For a closer look at seven clues, read our post on signs of anxiety in teens.

Signs Parents Often Miss

• Irritability or anger, especially after school or before something stressful. Our post on teen anger issues explains what’s often underneath.
• Perfectionism, like redoing homework again and again or falling apart over a B.
• Procrastination that’s really a fear of not doing something well enough.
• Asking the same worried questions over and over.
• Physical complaints that line up with stressful days, like anxiety stomachaches on Sunday nights.
• Saying “I’m fine” while quietly avoiding more and more.
• Big reactions to small changes in plans or routines.

How Anxiety Can Look Different in Girls and Boys

Every teen is different, but some patterns are common. Girls are often more likely to talk about worry, cry or feel overwhelmed, and many turn their worry inward through self-criticism and comparison.

Our post on anxiety in teenage girls looks at this more closely.

Boys are often more likely to show anxiety through irritability, anger, physical complaints or avoiding things while insisting they don’t care. Since these signs can look like attitude, anxiety in boys is easy to miss.

When It Might Be More Than Anxiety

Anxiety and depression often show up together. If your teen also seems sad, hopeless, unusually tired or no longer interested in things they used to enjoy, read our guide to signs of depression in teens and our post on anxiety and depression in teens.

If your teen talks about wanting to die, hurting themselves or feeling like a burden, don’t wait. Call or text 988, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Teen Anxiety by Age: Middle School to Senior Year

Anxiety looks a little different at each stage of the teen years. Knowing what’s typical for your teen’s age can help you spot what isn’t.

Ages 11 to 13: The Middle School Years

Middle school brings changing bodies, friend groups that shift overnight and a sudden spotlight on what everyone else thinks. Anxiety at this age often shows up as stomachaches, clinginess before school, tears over friendship drama or meltdowns after a long day.

Younger teens may not have words for what they feel yet. They might say they’re “sick” or “tired” when they really mean “scared.” If your child is on the younger side, our post on signs of anxiety in children may also help.

Ages 14 to 15: Starting High School

The jump to high school brings a bigger building, harder classes, new social pressure and more independence. Many teens worry about grades counting for the first time, finding their people and keeping up with sports or activities.

Watch for teens who suddenly drop activities, avoid the lunchroom or spend hours on homework because it never feels good enough. Social worries often feel especially big at this age.

Ages 16 to 18: The Pressure Years

Older teens carry the weight of tests, college applications, jobs, driving and big decisions about the future. Anxiety at this age often looks like perfectionism, sleepless nights, panic before exams or shutting down when the pressure gets too high.

This is also when worry about leaving home can quietly build. Our posts on getting ready for college and anxiety in college students can help you plan ahead.

Is It Stress, Anxiety or Something Else?

Stress is a response to something specific, like a big game or a test on Friday, and it usually fades once that thing is over. Anxiety tends to hang on, jump from one worry to the next and show up even when life looks calm.

What you notice	Everyday stress	Possible anxiety
What sets it off	A clear event	Sometimes nothing obvious
How long it lasts	Days, until the event passes	Weeks or months
Reassurance	Helps them settle down	Helps for a minute, then the worry comes back
Daily life	They keep doing their usual things	They start avoiding school, activities or friends
Their body	Some tension or butterflies	Ongoing stomachaches, headaches or trouble sleeping

Some teens feel anxious without being able to say why, which can be confusing for everyone. Our post on feeling anxious for no reason explains why this happens and what helps.

If you’re not sure what you’re seeing, that’s okay. A counselor can help you sort it out, and asking questions early is never an overreaction.

Types of Teen Anxiety

Teen anxiety comes in a few common forms, and many teens experience more than one. Only a licensed professional can diagnose an anxiety disorder, but knowing the types can help you put words to what you’re seeing.

Constant, Everyday Worry

Some teens worry about almost everything: grades, health, family, money, the future and what might go wrong tomorrow. The worry feels hard to turn off and often keeps them up at night.

When this kind of worry has lasted for months and is hard to control, clinicians may call it generalized anxiety. Our post on constant worry in teens goes deeper. It can look like:

• Asking “what if” questions about things that are unlikely to happen
• Needing to know plans far in advance
• Trouble relaxing, even on weekends or vacations
• Muscle tension, headaches or feeling tired

Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is an intense fear of being judged, embarrassed or rejected. A teen with social anxiety might avoid raising their hand, eating in the cafeteria, ordering food or texting first, even with people they like.

It’s more than shyness. Shy teens usually warm up over time, while socially anxious teens may avoid situations entirely or spend days dreading them.

Read more about social anxiety in teens, or see how social anxiety therapy for teens works at our New Lenox office.

Panic Attacks

A panic attack is a sudden rush of fear with intense physical symptoms, like a pounding heart, shaking, trouble breathing, dizziness or feeling like something terrible is happening. Panic attacks are frightening but not dangerous, and they usually peak within minutes.

Some teens start avoiding places where they had a panic attack, which can make their world smaller. Our guide on how to stop a panic attack walks through what to do in the moment, and you’ll find calm steps further down this page.

Test Anxiety

Test anxiety is more than nerves before a quiz. Some teens study for hours, then freeze when the test starts and can’t remember what they knew the night before.

It often shows up as stomachaches on test days, trouble sleeping before exams or avoiding studying altogether because even thinking about the test feels too stressful. Our post on test anxiety shares strategies for before, during and after a test.

For specific seasons, see our tips on finals anxiety and SAT anxiety. When test anxiety starts affecting grades, our test anxiety therapy page explains how counseling helps.

Performance and Sports Anxiety

Some teens freeze up when the pressure is on, whether it’s a big game, a recital, a speech or a tryout. Their body reacts with shaking, nausea or a mind that goes blank, even when they’re well prepared.

Athletes may lose the joy in a sport they love or start finding reasons to miss big games. Read more about sports performance anxiety, or see how performance anxiety therapy can help.

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is more common in younger kids, but some teens still struggle to be away from home or a parent, especially after a move, a loss, a divorce or a hard year. It can look like begging to stay home, calling to be picked up early or turning down sleepovers and trips.

It can also show up later, when a teen starts thinking about college or living on their own. Our post on separation anxiety in teens explains what helps, and our separation anxiety therapy page explains how counseling works.

School Avoidance

Some anxious teens start missing school in small ways, like late arrivals, trips to the nurse or calls home, until going at all feels impossible. When anxiety keeps a teen from going to school, it’s sometimes called school refusal, and it’s a sign that anxiety needs attention, not a sign that your teen is lazy.

The longer a teen stays home, the harder it usually becomes to go back. We cover what to do in the school section below, and our school anxiety therapy page explains how counseling helps.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism often looks like ambition, but underneath it is usually fear: fear of mistakes, of disappointing people or of not being good enough. Perfectionist teens may redo work over and over, avoid trying new things or fall apart over small mistakes.

Our post on perfectionism in teens explains how to help your teen aim high without the fear. Many perfectionists also struggle with people pleasing, saying yes to everything even when they’re overloaded.

Specific Fears and Phobias

Some teens have intense fears of specific things, like driving, needles, storms, throwing up, flying or dogs. When a fear is far bigger than the actual danger and leads to a lot of avoidance, it may be a phobia.

Fears like these respond well to the step-by-step approach described later in this guide. Our post on trying new things shares brave steps for when fear holds your teen back.

Overthinking and Racing Thoughts

Many anxious teens describe a brain that won’t slow down, especially at bedtime. They replay conversations, plan for every possible outcome and can’t let a worry go.

Our post on racing thoughts shares ten ways to quiet a busy mind, and our therapy for overthinking page explains how counseling helps.

Anxiety at Night

For many teens, anxiety gets louder at night. The distractions of the day are gone, and worries move in as soon as the lights go off.

It can lead to hours of lying awake, scrolling to escape the thoughts and dragging through the next day. Read more about nighttime anxiety, and see the sleep section below.

What Causes Teen Anxiety?

There’s rarely one single cause. Teen anxiety usually grows out of several things stacking up at once, and it’s almost never because a parent did something wrong.

Temperament and Family History

Some kids are born more cautious and sensitive than others. Anxiety can also run in families, so if you or another relative has struggled with it, your teen may be more likely to as well.

Pressure and Packed Schedules

Many teens juggle school, sports, jobs, college plans and family responsibilities with very little downtime. When the pressure never lets up, the alarm system stays switched on.

Our post on academic pressure looks at how to ease up without lowering the bar.

Phones, Social Media and Sleep

Phones keep teens connected, but they also keep them comparing, scrolling and checking late into the night. Less sleep makes everything feel harder, and anxiety tends to get louder when teens are tired. We cover this in its own section below.

Big Changes

Moving, starting high school, a divorce, a breakup, a new sibling or a parent’s job change can all shake a teen’s sense of safety. Even good changes can stir up anxiety.

Our post on anxiety about change shares ten grounding ways to help.

Hard Experiences

Bullying, a loss, a frightening event or ongoing stress at home can leave a teen on high alert long after it’s over. When anxiety is rooted in past experiences, therapy can help, including EMDR, which we explain in the treatment section below.

Caffeine, Energy Drinks and Vaping

Caffeine can cause a racing heart, jitters and trouble sleeping, which can feel a lot like anxiety or make it worse. Energy drinks can pack a lot of it into one can.

Some teens turn to vaping to calm down, but the relief doesn’t last, and nicotine withdrawal between uses can feel a lot like anxiety. Our post on teen vaping has steps for worried parents.

Anxious Parents, Anxious Kids

Teens learn a lot about handling worry by watching the adults around them. If you struggle with anxiety too, that isn’t a failure. It’s a reason to take care of yourself alongside your teen, and we talk more about that near the end of this guide.

The Anxiety Cycle: Why Avoidance Makes Anxiety Grow

Understanding the anxiety cycle is one of the most helpful things a parent can do. It explains why anxiety can grow even when everyone is trying so hard to help.

1. Something feels scary. Your teen faces a trigger, like a test, a party or a phone call.
2. Anxiety spikes. Their heart races, their stomach hurts and their mind fills with worst-case thoughts.
3. They avoid it or escape. They stay home, skip the call or ask you to handle it.
4. Relief comes fast. The anxiety drops right away, and everyone feels better.
5. The fear grows. The brain learns that avoiding is what kept them safe, so the next time feels even scarier.

Over time, the list of things your teen avoids gets longer. The way out of the cycle is the opposite of avoidance: facing fears in small, manageable steps until the brain learns those situations are safe enough.

How Parents Get Pulled In

When you love your teen, it’s natural to try to make the anxiety stop. Clinicians call these well-meaning changes accommodation, and almost every parent of an anxious teen does it.

What it can look like	What to try instead
Answering the same worried question again and again	“We’ve talked about this. What do you think the answer is?”
Ordering food or making calls for your teen	Practice together first, then let them try with you nearby
Letting them stay home whenever they’re anxious	Work with the school on a plan to keep them going, even for part of the day
Changing family plans to avoid their triggers	Keep most plans, with support and a way to take a break
Checking and rechecking their homework for them	Let them check it once, then turn it in

Easing off accommodation doesn’t mean being harsh. It means saying “I know this is hard, and I know you can do it,” then staying close while they try.

Our post on reassurance seeking explains how to step back from constant reassurance without leaving your teen on their own.

Teen Anxiety at School

School is where teen anxiety often shows up first. It might look like Sunday night stomachaches, panic before tests, skipped classes or a teen who suddenly says they “can’t” go in.

What to Do When Your Teen Won’t Go to School

If your teen is avoiding school, try not to wait it out. The longer avoidance goes on, the harder it usually is to go back, so it helps to act early.

1. Get a medical check. Ask your teen’s doctor to rule out physical causes for stomachaches or headaches.
2. Talk with the school right away. Let the school counselor or social worker know what’s happening so you can work as a team.
3. Keep the routine. Wake up, get dressed and head toward school at the usual time, even on hard mornings.
4. Make a partial plan if needed. A shorter day, a quiet place to reset or a trusted adult to check in with can help your teen get through the door.
5. Keep home low-key during school hours. If your teen does stay home, skip screens and treats so home isn’t more appealing than school.
6. Get support. A therapist can help your teen face school step by step and give you a plan for hard mornings.

Working With Your Teen’s School

• The school counselor or social worker. They can check in with your teen, help with schedules and connect you with resources. Our post on school counselor vs therapist explains how the two can work together.
• A 504 plan. Teens whose anxiety gets in the way of learning may qualify for supports like extra test time or a place to take a break. Our guide to a 504 plan for anxiety explains what to ask for.
• Mental health days. Illinois students can take up to five excused mental or behavioral health days a school year. Here’s how mental health days for Illinois students work and how to use them without letting them turn into avoidance.
• Teachers. A quick note to a teacher about what’s going on, shared with your teen’s permission, can make class feel safer.

Homework, Grades and Test Season

Homework battles are often anxiety in disguise, especially for perfectionists who can’t start until they know they’ll do it perfectly. Breaking work into small pieces, setting a timer and praising effort instead of results can help.

If grades are slipping, our post on poor grades in teens shares a calmer way to talk about it. During test season, start studying early, keep sleep a priority and plan something to look forward to when it’s over.

Phones, Social Media and Sleep

Phones and sleep are two of the biggest things parents can actually shape at home, and both have a real effect on teen anxiety.

Social Media and Teen Anxiety

Social media isn’t all bad. It helps many teens stay connected and find people who share their interests.

It can also fuel comparison, fear of missing out and worry about how they come across. In a Pew Research Center survey from fall 2024, 48% of teens said social media has a mostly negative effect on people their age, and 45% said it hurts the amount of sleep they get.

Rather than banning phones, try making a family plan together:

• Keep phones out of bedrooms overnight. Here’s why collecting phones at night matters so much for teens.
• Set phone-free times, like meals and the first hour after school.
• Talk with your teen about what they see online and how it makes them feel.
• Model the habits you want to see, since teens notice what adults do.
• Try a family break using ideas from our post on disconnecting from technology.

Our post on social media anxiety goes deeper into how scrolling can feed worry.

Sleep and Teen Anxiety

Anxiety and sleep feed each other. Worry makes it hard to fall asleep, and a tired brain is more anxious the next day.

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night for teens ages 13 to 18. According to the CDC, only about 1 in 4 high school students get at least 8 hours on school nights.

• Keep wake-up times steady, even on weekends, as much as you can.
• Build a wind-down routine with dim lights and no screens for the last 30 to 60 minutes.
• Try a worry notebook by the bed so thoughts can go on paper instead of spinning.
• Limit caffeine after lunch, including energy drinks and soda.
• Have worry conversations earlier in the evening instead of at lights out.

Our post on what to do when you can’t fall asleep has ten more ideas.

How to Help a Teen With Anxiety at Home

You can’t make your teen’s anxiety disappear, and that isn’t your job. What you can do is help them feel understood and gently help them face hard things instead of avoiding them.

Listen First, Fix Later

When your teen opens up, resist the urge to solve the problem right away. Ask questions, reflect back what you hear and let them know their feelings make sense.

Many teens talk more easily side by side than face to face. Car rides, walks, cooking together or late-night snacks are often when the real conversations happen.

Validate the Feeling, Not the Avoidance

You can understand your teen’s fear without agreeing that they need to avoid what scares them. Saying “I know this feels really scary, and I know you can handle it” honors both.

Ease Off Reassurance Little by Little

Answering the same worried question again and again feels kind, but it can keep anxiety going. Try gently turning the question back to them, or setting aside a short worry time each day for those conversations.

Praise Brave Behavior

Notice and name every brave step, even small ones. “You were nervous about practice and you went anyway. That took courage” teaches your teen that effort matters more than feeling calm.

Keep Expectations, Add Support

Anxious teens still need responsibilities, routines and chores. Keeping expectations steady, with extra support when things are hard, tells your teen you believe they can handle life.

Protect Sleep, Movement and Downtime

Anxious brains do better with routine. Regular sleep, time outside, movement and unscheduled downtime all help the alarm system settle.

Our post on exercise for anxiety has simple ways to get moving together.

Stay as Calm as You Can

Teens borrow calm from the adults around them. When you stay steady, even when they can’t, you show them that big feelings can be ridden out.

“Being still means taking the time to walk through it yourself and notice things yourself instead of relying on others to fix it.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

If things feel tense at home, our post on tension in the home shares five caring ways to calm things down, and our parenting tips for teens can help you stay close through the hard stretches. For a full parent’s playbook, see our post on parenting an anxious teen.

A Plan for Hard Mornings

Mornings are often the hardest part of the day for anxious teens. A predictable plan, made together on a calm evening, can take a lot of the struggle out of them.

• Lay out clothes and pack bags the night before.
• Wake up with enough time that nobody has to rush.
• Keep breakfast simple, even if it’s something to eat in the car.
• Agree on one coping skill to use when the worry hits, like slow breathing.
• Keep goodbyes short and confident: “I love you. I know you can do this. I’ll see you at 3.”

Helping Your Teen Face Fears One Step at a Time

The most effective way to shrink teen anxiety is to face it gradually. Therapists call this exposure, and it’s a core part of cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety.

The idea is simple. Your teen starts with a step that feels a little scary but doable, stays with it until the anxiety settles, and then moves up to the next step.

What a Fear Ladder Looks Like

Here’s an example for a teen who is anxious about ordering food and talking to people they don’t know. They rate each step from 0 (no fear) to 10 (the most fear).

Step	How scary (0 to 10)
Look at the menu online and decide what to order	2
Order at a drive-through with a parent in the car	3
Call a restaurant to ask about their hours	5
Order at a counter with a parent nearby	6
Order at a counter alone while a parent waits outside	7
Ask a store employee where to find something	8
Meet a friend for lunch and order for both of them	9

How to Build a Fear Ladder With Your Teen

1. Pick one fear to work on. Choose something that’s getting in the way and matters to your teen.
2. List small steps together. Aim for 6 to 10 steps from easiest to hardest, and let your teen rate each one.
3. Start low. Begin with a step around 3 or 4, not the scariest one.
4. Repeat each step. Practice it a few times until it feels easier before moving up.
5. Celebrate effort. Praise the bravery, not how calm they looked.
6. Expect ups and downs. Hard days are normal. Go back a step if you need to, then keep going.

If your teen’s fears feel too big to tackle at home, a therapist can build and guide a ladder with them. Our free PDF guide includes a blank fear ladder you can print, and our post on resilient teens shares more ways to help your teen bounce back.

Coping Skills That Help With Teen Anxiety

Coping skills work best when teens practice them on calm days, not just in the middle of a hard moment. Encourage your teen to try a few and keep the ones that fit.

Slow Breathing

Breathing in for 4 counts and out for 6 tells the body it’s safe to slow down. The longer exhale is the key, and practicing for 2 minutes a few times a day makes it easier to use when stress hits.

Our post on breathing exercises for anxiety shares more ways to try it.

Grounding

The 5-4-3-2-1 skill pulls attention back to the present: name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. Here are more grounding techniques for anxiety.

Checking the Thought

Anxiety tells convincing stories. Teaching your teen to question those stories is a core skill from cognitive behavioral therapy.

Anxious thought	Questions to ask	A more helpful thought
“Everyone will laugh at me if I get it wrong.”	Has that really happened before? What would I think if a classmate got it wrong?	“Most people won’t even notice. Getting things wrong is part of learning.”
“If I fail this test, my future is ruined.”	Is one test really my whole future? What would I tell a friend?	“This test matters, but it’s one grade. I can handle it either way.”
“My friends didn’t text back. They must be mad at me.”	What else could explain it?	“They’re probably busy. I’ll check in tomorrow.”

Worry Time

Writing worries down and saving them for a set 15-minute time each day keeps them from taking over. When a worry pops up at another time, your teen can jot it down and tell it, “Not now. Later.”

Naming the Worry

Saying “That’s my anxiety talking” creates a little distance from the thought. Some teens even give their anxiety a name, which makes it easier to talk back to.

Movement

A walk, a run, a bike ride or shooting hoops burns off the extra energy anxiety creates. Even 10 minutes can help.

Mindfulness

Short, simple practices help teens notice feelings without getting swept away by them. Read more about mindfulness for teen anxiety.

For a bigger toolbox, see our full list of coping skills for teens.

“They are capable. They just have to communicate, engage, and take a minute and push through a really tough time.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

What to Do During a Panic Attack

Watching your teen have a panic attack can be scary for both of you. The most important thing to remember is that panic attacks feel dangerous but aren’t, and the worst of it usually passes within minutes.

1. Stay close and keep your voice calm and low.
2. Remind them it’s a panic attack and that it will pass.
3. Breathe slowly with them, focusing on long exhales.
4. Help them ground themselves with what they can see, touch and hear.
5. Skip the questions for now. Short, kind words work best.
6. Once it passes, let them rest and talk about it later when they feel steady.

If there’s chest pain, fainting or symptoms that feel different from usual, call your doctor or 911 to rule out a medical problem. For more, read our guide on how to stop a panic attack.

When to Get Professional Help

It’s time to reach out to a counselor when teen anxiety starts running the show. Trust your instincts here, since parents usually notice something is off before anyone else does.

Consider getting support if your teen:

• Has been worried, on edge or avoiding things for several weeks
• Is missing school, dropping activities or pulling away from friends
• Has frequent stomachaches, headaches or sleep problems with no medical cause
• Is having panic attacks
• Seems sad, hopeless or not like themselves
• Is turning to risky ways to cope, like vaping or drinking
• Tells you they want to talk to someone

Our post How Do I Know If My Teen Needs Counseling? walks through the signs in more detail.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Therapy

Many teens push back on therapy at first, and that’s completely normal. They may worry it means something is wrong with them, or picture a stiff office and a stranger asking questions.

“Many of the kids and teens I meet don’t want to be in therapy at first, and I completely understand why. Once we start working together, they often take to it more than they expected, and we build a genuine, trusting rapport.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

• Pick a calm moment, like a car ride or a walk, instead of right after an argument.
• Share what you’ve noticed with care, not criticism.
• Frame it as support, not punishment. Everyone deserves someone in their corner.
• Give them a say, like in person or telehealth, or what they want to work on.
• Agree to try a few sessions before deciding.

If they still say no, keep the door open and come back to it later. Our step-by-step post on how to get your teen to go to therapy covers what to say when they refuse.

Asking for help is one of the most loving things a parent can do.

“Reaching out for help is saying, I love my kid enough to recognize that what is going on with them is more than what I can help with right now. That is not failure. That is courage.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

How Teen Anxiety Is Treated

Teen anxiety is very treatable. With the right support, many teens learn to manage it well, and the skills they build can last a lifetime.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most researched treatments for anxiety in kids and teens. It helps teens notice the thoughts that feed their anxiety, test whether those thoughts are true and practice new ways of responding.

A big part of CBT is gradual exposure, the step-by-step approach described above. Over time, the brain learns that feared situations are safer than the anxiety says.

Early sessions usually focus on understanding anxiety and learning calming skills. Later sessions focus on practicing brave steps, both in session and at home. Our post on CBT for teens explains what to expect.

Parents as Partners

Parents are an important part of a teen’s progress. Your teen’s therapist can share general updates and ideas for supporting them at home, while still protecting the trust your teen needs to open up.

EMDR

When anxiety is tied to past experiences, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help the brain process those memories so they lose some of their charge. Read more about EMDR for teens, or learn how we use EMDR for anxiety.

Other Approaches

We also use motivational interviewing and strength-based approaches to help teens find their own reasons to change and build on what’s already working.

What About Medication?

Some teens benefit from medication alongside therapy, but it usually isn’t the first step. Our team is made up of licensed therapists, so we don’t prescribe medication. If you’re wondering whether medication could help, that’s a decision to make with your teen’s doctor and therapist, and we can refer you to trusted professionals.

How Long Does Treatment Take?

There’s no set length. Most families start with weekly sessions, and some teens make strong progress in a few months while others value support for longer. The goal is always for your teen to leave with tools they can use on their own.

For a deeper look at how counseling for teens works, read Teen Therapy: Essential Differences Every Parent Should Know.

What Teen Anxiety Therapy Looks Like at Davis-Smith Mental Health

Every therapist at Davis-Smith Mental Health works with anxiety, and teens are at the heart of what we do. Here’s what you and your teen can expect.

• A good match. When you call or request a session, we match your teen with the therapist who fits best. You can also ask for someone by name, so feel free to meet our therapists first.
• No waiting list. We don’t keep one, so your family can get started without months of waiting.
• A welcoming first visit. Your teen checks in on the iPad in our waiting room, grabs a snack or drink, and their therapist greets them personally.
• A conversation, not a test. The first session covers confidentiality, answers questions and gets to know your teen and their goals. Here’s more about the first counseling session.
• Privacy that builds trust. For teens 12 and older, what they share stays private, and parents are always told if there’s a safety concern.
• Steady progress. Most families start with weekly sessions, at least three in a row, then adjust together as things improve.
• In person or online. We see teens at our New Lenox office and through telehealth anywhere in Illinois, as long as your teen is physically in Illinois during each session.
• Insurance. We work with most major insurance plans and offer self-pay options. See sessions and rates for details.

Learn more about our teen anxiety counseling in New Lenox.

“I get to see in counseling sessions the adult that your teen could become.”

Jessica Davis, Practice Owner of Davis-Smith Mental Health

Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent

Loving an anxious teen can be exhausting. It’s easy to put your own needs last, but your teen needs a steady adult far more than a perfect one.

• Talk with your partner, a friend or another parent you trust.
• Notice your own worry and how it shows up in front of your teen.
• Get on the same page with your co-parent so your teen hears one consistent message.
• Make room for your other kids, who may be feeling the strain too.
• Keep doing small things that recharge you.
• Get support for yourself if you need it. In certain situations, we can also meet with parents for parenting support.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Showing up, staying curious and asking for help when you need it already makes a difference.

More Resources for Families