Trying New Things: Brave Steps When Fear Holds You Back

Trying new things did not come easily to me in high school. I was a particularly anxious teen, afraid of new experiences and of doing anything outside my comfort zone.

I remember going home from school each day feeling disconnected from my peers and bored with my usual homework. I really wanted to join activities at school, but I got anxious that I wouldn’t know anyone. I struggled with wanting to take naps and began to feel a lot of disdain for my high school experience.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, anxious teens and young adults are at the heart of what we do. Here is the rest of my story, plus simple steps for pushing past the fear.

Taking My First Step

It was after the first semester of my sophomore year. I decided it might be time to get involved in extracurricular activities.

I took the first step by writing down the meeting times and places of the clubs I was interested in. I told myself that even if I decided not to go, at least I had the information if I did find the courage to show up.

Around that time, I heard people talking about the upcoming turnabout dance. I immediately became curious about the themes being considered, and I began to wonder if I could give some input and get involved somehow.

Why a small first step counts

Writing down a meeting time might not sound like much, but it lets you move toward something you want without facing the scariest part yet. That is a real step.

Anxiety tends to make a new activity look like one giant leap. Breaking it into tiny pieces, like looking up the club or asking someone what it’s like, makes each piece feel doable.

Trying a New Experience

Fast forward, I met my now husband, who was involved in student council. He encouraged me to come to at least one meeting with him, and if I didn’t like it, at least I gave it a shot.

So, I went. I was nervous with all the people in the room, and I noticed students from every grade, both guys and girls.

I recognized a few faces I had seen in my classes, and I remember thinking, okay, maybe I could become friends with them. The meeting started, and we had to sign in.

They explained that to have student council listed on your transcript, you had to attend every weekly meeting. You also had to complete 15 hours of community service.

The power of “just one meeting”

Asking someone to try just one meeting is a gentle kind of encouragement. It isn’t a commitment for the whole year, and it leaves room to walk away.

Having a familiar face there helps, too. If you don’t have a friend to go with, try introducing yourself to the club adviser before the meeting starts, so at least one person in the room knows your name.

Learning About a Club to Join

I was not pleased to hear that I would have to do all this extra work just to have it listed on my transcript. I began to worry that this club wasn’t for me.

Then a teacher I knew, who was in charge of student council, noticed me and introduced herself. She talked with me about the service projects they had done in the past to help students earn their hours, and I was very interested. She mentioned working a collection table for the local food pantry, as well as decorating the school the morning of the dances.

First impressions of a club can be misleading. Staying a few extra minutes and asking the adviser questions can show you a side of it you would have missed.

Volunteering Was Fun!

I decided this might be fun, and it might be a chance to meet new friends and feel more involved in my high school. I showed up to each event, and it helped that my husband was able to come too, so I felt like I knew someone.

I was given a task as soon as I got to school. My husband was put on the cherry picker to hang lights, and I was given the job of blowing up balloons and decorating the cafeteria.

I was nervous because we were given different tasks. Yet I was immediately greeted by a few girls I had seen around in my classes.

To my surprise, I was getting along with these girls and feeling accepted. We laughed and talked about our dresses and how excited we were for the dance.

I ended up loving the experience! We got the first look at all the decorations in place before the dance, and we were proud that we created it for the rest of the school to enjoy.

Looking back, I enjoyed decorating for the dance more than the dance itself! It was rewarding and fun, and I was thankful I listened to my husband’s encouragement to join. I was also proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone.

Volunteering can be a great way to ease into trying new things, since you have a job to focus on instead of standing around wondering what to say. Our post on the mental health benefits of volunteering talks more about why giving back can feel so good.

Sticking With It

I continued to be a part of student council for the rest of my time in high school. I eventually became an elected representative of my class and really enjoyed it!

I felt a sense of purpose and pride for my school that I had not felt before. I no longer felt disconnected, bored, and isolated from my peers.

Sticking with something is where the good stuff tends to happen. Each time you go back, the room feels a little more familiar, and the nerves usually shrink.

Moral of the Story: Don’t Be Afraid of Trying New Things

Do not let fear make the decision for you. You may find that you actually enjoy the experience!

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to new experiences. It is normal to feel a few nerves the first time you try a new club.

The self-talk you use, and giving yourself that extra push, can make all the difference in your high school experience. Here is what that can sound like:

Anxious thought	Kinder, more realistic self-talk
“I won’t know anyone there.”	“Someone else might be new, too. I can say hi to one person.”
“Everyone will stare at me when I walk in.”	“Most people are focused on themselves. I can find a seat and settle in.”
“What if I hate it?”	“Then I’ll know, and I can try something else.”
“I’ll say something awkward.”	“Everyone says awkward things sometimes. It won’t ruin anything.”
“It’s too much work.”	“I can learn more about it before I decide.”
“I’m just not a joiner.”	“I haven’t found the right fit yet.”

Simple Steps for Trying New Things at School

1. Gather the information. Write down meeting times and places, just like I did. No commitment required.
2. Pick one thing. Choose the club, team, or event that sounds even a little interesting, and start there.
3. Bring a buddy, or find the adviser. A familiar face helps, and if you don’t have one, introduce yourself to the adult in charge.
4. Commit to one meeting. Tell yourself you only have to go once, and you can decide after that.
5. Ask for a job. Blowing up balloons or handing out flyers gives your hands and your nerves something to do.
6. Go back two or three times before deciding. The first meeting is rarely the best one.
7. Notice what went well. Afterward, name one good moment, even a small one, and give yourself credit for going.

Not sure where to start? Student council, service clubs, stage crew for the school play, yearbook, intramural sports, and volunteering in your community are all great places to try.

Consider trying out a new club or event at school this year!

For Parents: Encouraging Without Pushing

Encouragement can go a long way, especially when it is gentle. Inviting your teen to “just try one meeting” leaves room for their nerves while still nudging them forward.

Try validating the fear before solving it: “It makes sense that you’re nervous. What would make it a little easier?” Let them choose the activity, too, since signing a teen up without asking usually backfires.

Offer practical help, like a ride, a friend to go with, or a look at the club list together. Celebrate the effort of showing up, whether or not they end up loving it.

When Fear of New Experiences Is More Than Nerves

A few butterflies before something new are normal and usually fade. Sometimes, though, fear starts making a teen’s world smaller.

• Avoiding clubs, events, or friends they used to enjoy, and the list keeps growing.
• Feeling sick, panicky, or full of dread before school or social plans.
• Feeling disconnected, bored, or flat most days, or sleeping much more than usual.
• Saying no to everything new, even things they say they want to do.
• Worrying for days about what people think of them after ordinary conversations.

If several of these sound familiar, it may be anxiety or a low mood that deserves some attention, and both are very treatable. The National Institute of Mental Health has helpful information about anxiety, and the American Academy of Pediatrics has a teen section on HealthyChildren.org with more on teen health and development.

How Therapy Helps Anxious Teens Step Out of Their Comfort Zone

Therapy can help teens quiet anxious self-talk and take small, manageable steps toward the things they have been avoiding. At Davis-Smith Mental Health, our team uses approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and sessions with teens are relaxed and conversational.

Our social anxiety therapy for teens helps teens who worry a lot about what others think, and our teen anxiety counseling helps with the everyday worry that makes new things feel so big.