Many of us have had nights when we can’t fall asleep, and it feels like our worst nightmare, excuse the pun. We lie there counting the hours left until the alarm goes off, or worse, we get up for work or school on very little sleep.
Meanwhile, worried thoughts circle through our heads, telling us that sleep is just not going to happen. The harder we try, the more awake we feel.
At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, we help teens, young adults, and adults with anxiety, and bedtime is often when worry gets loudest. Here are ten tips that can help, plus how to build a routine and when to get extra support.
Why Enough Sleep Matters
Sleep is important for everyday functioning and health. It keeps us alert and thinking clearly during the day, and good sleep can help ease anxiety symptoms.
When someone does not get enough sleep, anxiety often gets worse. Then the anxiety becomes the reason you can’t fall asleep the next night, and the cycle keeps going.
For teens, short sleep can show up as crankiness, trouble focusing in class, or dozing off over homework. For young adults and parents, it might look like extra coffee, snapping at people you love, or feeling foggy at work. The Sleep Foundation has a helpful guide to teens and sleep if you want to learn more about why rest matters so much at that age.
Why You Can’t Fall Asleep When Your Mind Won’t Slow Down
During the day, school, work, and conversations keep your brain busy. At night, the house gets quiet, and your mind finally has room to replay the day and rehearse tomorrow.
Anxiety also keeps your body on alert, with a faster heartbeat, tense muscles, and busy thoughts. It is hard to drift off when part of you is still on guard.
So you are probably wondering what the magic cure is for getting to sleep. There isn’t one, but there are some tips that can help ease you into slumber.
10 Tips for Nights You Can’t Fall Asleep
Try one or two at a time. Small changes are easier to keep.
1. Clear Your Brain Before Bed
Write down all your worries on paper or in a journal to get the thoughts of the day out of your head. Spending even five minutes writing before bed can help you feel like you have set those thoughts down for the night.
It can help to split the page in two, with worries on one side and one small next step for each on the other. If a worry has no next step tonight, write “tomorrow” next to it and let it wait.
2. Only Get in Bed When You Are Ready to Sleep
Bed is for sleep, and for sleep only. Try not to study, eat, or do homework in bed.
If you do, your brain may forget that your bed is a place of rest and start to connect it with work. You can avoid this by only getting into bed when you are ready to go to sleep.
For teens with small bedrooms, that might mean doing homework at a desk, the kitchen table, or even on the floor with a pillow. Anywhere but the bed is a good start.
3. Don’t Check the Time
If you are lying wide awake, one of the worst things you can do is check your clock or phone. The light from a phone can disrupt melatonin, a chemical your body makes naturally to help you get to sleep.
Checking the time also tends to raise your anxiety and gets you into the pattern of counting how many hours you have left. Try turning your clock away from the bed and charging your phone across the room.
4. Get Out of Bed and Do Something Else
The more you tell yourself you have to sleep and try to force it, the harder sleep tends to come. If you still can’t fall asleep after a while, get up, go to the bathroom, get a glass of milk or water, and then try going back to bed.
Keep the lights low and pick something calm, like reading a few pages of a paper book or folding laundry. Head back to bed when you start to feel sleepy.
Sometimes even changing where you sleep can ease the pressure. Couches are not ideal, but if your bed is not working one night, try a new spot.
5. Limit Light Two Hours Before Bed
This can be hard for those of us who love our phones, tablets, and TV. Try limiting the time, lowering the brightness, or setting a sleep timer, since you do not want to disrupt your natural melatonin.
For families, a simple rule like charging every phone in the kitchen overnight makes this easier for everyone. Our post on collecting electronics at night explains why this habit matters so much for teens.
6. Go Easy on Late-Night Eating
When you can, try to finish bigger meals a few hours before bed. Eating gets your digestion going, and breaking down a big meal or midnight snack can make it hard for your body to wind down. If you are truly hungry later, a small, light snack is usually easier on your body than a full plate.
7. Exercise During the Day
During the day or after dinner, try to get some physical activity in. It can be as simple as a 20 to 30 minute walk, jog, or bike ride. If the weather is not cooperating, consider yoga, Pilates, or Zumba at home.
8. Watch the Sugar and Caffeine
Watch out for too much sugar and caffeine, especially later in the day. Caffeine can stay in your system for hours, so that afternoon pick-me-up may still be working when you are trying to sleep.
Coffee drinks, energy drinks, sodas, and some teas can have more caffeine than you expect. Try keeping caffeine to the morning, and consider switching to decaf for that afternoon pick-me-up, since it still has a small amount that can give you a bit of energy.
Chocolate, especially dark chocolate, has some caffeine too, so it is worth limiting before bed. Heavy, fatty, or fried foods late at night can also upset your stomach and keep you awake.
9. Try Meditation, Prayer, or Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Many people find that a calm, mindful habit at bedtime helps them relax. Consider a meditation or sleep app, prayer, or progressive muscle relaxation.
To try progressive muscle relaxation, start with your toes. Squeeze those muscles for a few seconds, let go, and notice the difference, then slowly work your way up through your legs, stomach, hands, shoulders, and face.
10. Use White Noise
Consider a white noise machine or a fan. A steady, simple sound can cover the small noises that startle you and lull you into a calm, relaxed mood.
Commit to a Sleep Hygiene Routine
These tips work best as part of a sleep hygiene routine you stick to every night. Sleep hygiene simply means the habits and setting that help you sleep well.
A new routine takes time, so give it a few weeks before deciding whether it works. Many people find their worry about sleep slowly eases once they have a plan to stick to.
Here is what a simple wind-down routine might look like:
- Keep your bedtime and wake-up time close to the same every day, weekends included.
- Two hours before bed, dim the lights and start putting screens away.
- An hour before bed, take a warm shower, get your things ready for tomorrow, and write down any worries.
- In the last half hour, read, stretch, pray, or listen to something calm.
- Get into bed only when you feel sleepy, and turn the clock away.
When you are lying there and can’t fall asleep, a few quick swaps can help:
| In the moment | Instead of this | Try this |
|---|---|---|
| You are lying awake | Checking the clock again | Turning the clock away and taking slow breaths |
| You have been awake a long time | Forcing yourself to stay in bed | Getting up for something quiet in low light |
| Your mind is busy at bedtime | Scrolling to distract yourself | Writing your worries down on paper |
| Homework or work is not done | Finishing it in bed | Using a desk or the kitchen table |
None of these will work perfectly every night, and that is okay. The Sleep Foundation guide to sleep hygiene has more ideas for setting up a sleep-friendly bedroom and routine.
When It’s More Than a Few Bad Nights
Everyone has a rough night now and then, especially before a big test, a trip, or a hard conversation. It may be time for extra support when sleep trouble keeps happening or starts affecting your days.
| What you notice | A rough patch | Worth getting support |
|---|---|---|
| How often | A few nights during a stressful week | Most nights for several weeks |
| Your mind at bedtime | A worry or two that settles down | Racing thoughts you cannot slow down |
| Daytime | A little tired, but you get through it | Hard to focus, keep up, or stay awake |
| Mood | Cranky after a short night | Ongoing anxiety, sadness, or irritability |
| Your body | Fine after a good night of rest | Loud snoring, gasping, or never feeling rested |
If sleep has been a recurring problem, consider talking with your medical doctor, a psychiatrist, or a sleep specialist. Anxiety is often part of it, but if you think something medical may be going on, your doctor can walk you through your options.
How Therapy Helps When Anxiety Keeps You Up
When worry is what keeps you awake, working on the worry can make a real difference for sleep. At Davis-Smith Mental Health, we use approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, to help you notice anxious bedtime thoughts and respond to them in a calmer way.
Therapy can also be a place to work out a wind-down routine that fits your life, whether you are a teen with early classes or a young adult working late. Learn more about our anxiety therapy and therapy for overthinking and racing thoughts, or read our tips for calming racing thoughts.
Sleep is meant to be refreshing. Stop counting sheep and get back to counting those zzzs!
Rest Easier, Starting Tonight
If anxiety is keeping you up night after night, you do not have to keep counting the hours alone. We see clients in person at our New Lenox office and through telehealth, as long as they’re physically in Illinois during each session.
We work with teens, young adults, and adults from New Lenox, Frankfort, Mokena, Joliet, and across Will County. Call (815) 409-5940 or request a session online to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions
Personalized care
Licensed, caring therapists
Every therapist on our team works with anxiety. We will match you with the right therapist for you.
Anxiety at the center
Anxiety is the foundation of everything we do.
EMDR-trained care
EMDR helps clients process what talk therapy alone can’t reach.
Every age and stage
From children and teens to young adults and adults.
In-person and telehealth
Our New Lenox office or secure online therapy for clients in Illinois.
In-network with
- Aetna PPO
- Cigna / Evernorth
- BCBS PPO
- UnitedHealthcare
- UMR
- Initial assessment $200
- Ongoing sessions $150
Insurance and rates
Insurance Accepted
We work with most major insurance plans and offer self-pay options. We believe quality mental health care should be accessible. Davis-Smith Mental Health is in-network with the following insurance providers.
We also offer self-pay options and can provide a Superbill for out-of-network benefits.
You don’t have to figure this out alone
If something told you to keep reading this far, trust that feeling. Whether it’s for yourself, your teen, or your young adult, the hardest part is deciding to start. We are here when you are ready.
there is courage in change ♥
