Teen Dating: Honest Help When All Your Friends Are Dating

Teen dating can feel like something everyone else is doing, especially when you have those friends who always seem to be in a relationship. When you’re the only single friend, it can be hard to be around couples who seem so blissfully happy.

If you’re constantly surrounded by couples, it’s easy to slip into the “What’s wrong with me?” line of thinking. Even if you know a couple is unhappy, it’s hard to ignore the envy you feel at their companionship.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, teens and young adults are the heart of what we do. So here is the short answer: absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Here’s why, plus three ways to use this time to get ready for the relationships you want someday.

You Are Not Alone: Most Teens Are Not Dating

I’m here to tell you that even though you might feel it, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! When the Pew Research Center surveyed teens back in 2015, 64% had never been in a romantic relationship, and only 35% had any experience with dating or romantic relationships at all. That’s roughly six or seven out of every ten teens who were not in a relationship.

So what does this mean? It means most teenagers are not dating. Even if it feels like all your friends have it figured out, or like you’re the only one without stories to tell, memories to make, or a date for every dance, you’re actually in the majority.

Why it feels like teen dating is everywhere

Couples tend to be the loudest part of the social scene. They post the cute photos, show up together at games and dances, and become the main topic at the lunch table.

Nobody posts “stayed home and watched a movie, still single.” What you see is a highlight reel, so of course it looks like everyone but you is coupled up.

What I’ve Seen in High School Relationships

As a counselor who has worked with adolescents, I often find that high school relationships can be really hard on teens. I have seen young people struggle with depression, low self-esteem, physically abusive partners, and pressure to have sex before they were ready, all before they had figured out their own wants and needs in a relationship.

Most teens struggle in their first relationships. Some feel like their whole identity is tied to their partner, others fear being cut off from their friends, and some wind up staying in unhealthy or even toxic relationships because starting over with someone else just seems too hard.

These early relationships can also set a pattern for dating in the future. That pattern can affect your family, friends, schoolwork, job, and overall sense of self-worth, which is why a healthy start matters so much.

Teen dating can absolutely be a good experience. There is just no prize for rushing it, and the time you spend single right now is far from wasted.

Prepare: 3 Steps to Get Ready for Teen Dating

So, what do you do with this information? How can you learn to handle and express the feelings you’re having right now in a healthy way?

Prepare! You can get ready for future relationships by following these three steps, so that when the opportunity comes, you feel more ready for dating.

Step 1: Work on Communication With the People in Your Life Now

Start by taking an honest look at how you communicate today. Ask yourself:

• Am I a positive friend?
• Am I a respectful son or daughter?
• Do I build relationships with my teachers?
• Do I ever start conversations with others?
• Do I hold back my feelings because I’m afraid of rejection?

Spend the time now working on communicating outside of your comfort zone. Habits are hard to break, and forming better ones now will help you down the road.

After all, dating is communication. If communication is a constant problem in your other relationships, it will show up in future romantic relationships, too.

Learn to communicate, put yourself out there, and get confident in who you are and in sharing that with others. A few easy ways to practice this week:

• Start one conversation with someone you don’t usually talk to, even if it’s just asking about their weekend.
• Tell a parent or friend one real feeling, like “I felt left out today.”
• Ask for something you need: “Can you let me know if plans change?”
• Disagree kindly once instead of going along to keep the peace.

These feel small, but they’re the same skills you’ll lean on in teen dating, when you like someone and need to say how you feel, what you’re comfortable with, or that something isn’t okay. Practicing them now, with people who already care about you, makes them feel more natural later.

Step 2: Practice Finding Comfort in Being Alone

I was always taught that if you can’t be okay alone, then you won’t be successful in relationships. When I was younger I didn’t fully understand what my mom was trying to teach me, but after going to college and meeting more people, I began to understand.

By practicing being comfortable alone, you find independence. You aren’t waiting for someone to come take care of you or swoop in and solve your problems for you. You already know how to support yourself, so you’re looking for a partner or a teammate instead of someone to rescue you from whatever you want to run away from.

The more comfortable you become with being alone, the more confidence you show. The more confidence you show, the more attractive you become to others, and the more secure you feel being selective about who you date.

Being selective helps you find a partner who matches your expectations and meets your needs, which leads me to step three. First, a few ways to practice being on your own:

• Take yourself out for coffee, a walk, or a movie, and notice that it’s actually kind of nice.
• Pick up something just for you, like drawing, running, baking, or learning an instrument.
• Spend a little time each day without your phone filling every quiet moment.

Step 3: Build Your Confidence and Self-Worth

When you enter the dating scene, the people you are drawn to often reflect where you are in your own life. If you haven’t practiced being confident in yourself and your needs, it can be easier to end up with a toxic partner and harder to get out of an abusive relationship.

That could mean someone who puts you down emotionally, someone who is controlling, or even someone who is physically abusive. If that ever happens to you, it is never your fault.

If you put yourself down, it’s harder to break out of a toxic pattern and harder to realize when you’re being mistreated. When a partner’s words sound just like your own negative self-talk, it can be that much harder to see that the relationship is abusive. The more you work on believing in yourself, the less likely you are to settle for someone who tears you down because they are struggling with their own emptiness.

Building self-worth is a daily practice. When a harsh thought pops up, try asking, “Would I say this to my best friend?”

Spend time with people who leave you feeling better about yourself, and do the things you’re good at on purpose. Our post on teen self-esteem and learning to love yourself has more ideas to try.

When Feeling Left Out Is More Than a Rough Patch

Feeling a little jealous or lonely when your friends are coupled up is completely normal. Sometimes, though, those feelings dig in and start to affect the rest of your life.

What you notice	A normal rough patch	Time to talk to someone
Thoughts about being single	A pang of envy at a couple’s photo, then you move on	Constant “what’s wrong with me” thoughts that won’t let up
Mood	A down day here and there	Feeling sad, empty, or hopeless most days for a couple of weeks or more
Friends and activities	Missing a friend a bit now that they have a partner	Pulling away from friends and things you used to enjoy
Sleep and focus	A restless night after a hard day	Ongoing trouble sleeping, eating, or focusing at school
In a relationship	Normal disagreements you can talk through	Feeling scared, controlled, pressured, or put down

If you see yourself in the right column, please talk to a parent, school counselor, or another adult you trust. Love Is Respect is a helpful place for young people to learn about healthy and unhealthy dating relationships.

If you are ever having thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time of day or night. If you are ever in immediate danger, from a partner or anyone else, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

How Therapy Helps With Teen Dating Worries and Self-Worth

Sometimes it helps to have someone outside your friend circle to talk to. At Davis-Smith Mental Health, teen counseling gives you a relaxed, private space to work on communication, confidence, and feeling okay on your own.

Our team uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help teens notice harsh self-talk and replace it with something kinder and more realistic. Teens 12 and older have privacy in what they share, though parents are always told if there is a safety concern.

If you’re already in a relationship and something feels off, read our guide on healthy romantic relationships for teens. For anyone sorting out dating and self-worth after high school, our young adult counseling can help, too.