Holiday stress can sneak in right alongside the celebrations, family, friends, and cheer. For many people the holidays are a fun time, but for others they bring sadness, a low mood, fear, guilt, stress, and even anxiety.
The holidays can be difficult for a number of reasons. Maybe you have to deal with difficult family members, maybe your mom or dad gets a little edgy planning and preparing for company, or maybe you just don’t like the chaos of being around all your extended family.
At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, we know how much this season can stir up for teens, young adults, and families. These ten tips can help ease the tension and maybe even help you enjoy the holidays again.
Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard
It is normal for the holidays to bring stress. Even happy events take energy, and this season packs a lot of them into a few short weeks.
Some of the most common stressors are:
- Long stretches of time with family, including people you do not always get along with.
- Parents feeling pressure to host, cook, clean, and make everything perfect.
- Busy, noisy gatherings that leave little room for quiet.
- Money worries about gifts, travel, and events.
- Missing someone who is no longer here.
- Breaks from school or work that throw off your usual sleep and routine.
For teens, it might be a crowded house and relatives asking about grades. For young adults home from college, it can feel strange to be back in your childhood bedroom with the old family roles and rules.
10 Tips to Ease Holiday Stress
You do not need to try all ten at once. Pick the ones that fit your situation and give them a try.
1. Acknowledge How You Are Feeling
Try to name what you are feeling without judgment. Sometimes simply admitting to yourself that you feel sad or anxious can relieve the uncertainty of not knowing why you feel the way you do.
You might say to yourself, “I’m tense because the whole family is coming over, and that makes sense.” Putting a name to a feeling often helps it settle a little.
2. Reach Out
Talk to a friend or family member about how you are feeling. A listening ear can help you process and vent your emotions and thoughts about the holidays ahead.
It does not have to be a long heart-to-heart. A quick text like “Family stuff is a lot this week, can I vent for a minute?” can help you feel less alone.
3. Be Realistic
Holidays with family do not always look like the TV holiday movies. Try not to set your expectations too high for what you think the day should look like.
Enjoy the small moments of being together, and try not to focus too much on the negatives that may come up. A burned side dish or a cousin who shows up late can become a funny story instead of a ruined day.
4. Try to Set Aside Differences
This can be hard, especially when that one uncle always has to bring up politics at the holiday table. You are entitled to your own opinions, but try not to take offense or get angry when a family member brings up an opposing view.
If things start heating up, it is okay to excuse yourself from the table or the room and take a walk or a short break to calm down. A few phrases that can help:
- “Let’s agree to disagree on this one today.”
- “I’d rather not get into that right now. How is your new job going?”
- “I’m going to step outside for some fresh air. I’ll be right back.”
5. Plan Ahead
Do your holiday shopping or cleaning early to avoid unnecessary stress. Pick out your outfit ahead of time so you are not scrambling about what to wear the day of the event.
Ask a parent or family member what the plans are so you can plan ahead too. Knowing when you are leaving, who will be there, and how long you are staying takes a lot of the guesswork out of the day.
6. Stick to a Budget
Money does not always buy happiness. Try asking your family members to agree on a spending limit for each person, or suggest drawing names so everyone buys for just one person.
If you cannot afford gifts for your friends or family, consider spending time with them or making something homemade instead. A handwritten note, a batch of cookies, or a plan to get coffee together can mean more than anything from a store.
7. Use Good Self-Care
Remember to take time to take care of yourself. Eat well, take a walk, use a face mask, get your nails done, or do something else that makes you feel good.
Keep up with the basics too, like healthy eating, sleep, limited technology time, and good time management. These are often the first things to slip during a busy season, and they make a big difference in how you handle stress.
8. Practice Gratitude
Consider journaling, or telling a friend or family member what you appreciate about them and about other things in your life. There is something to be said for counting your blessings to help balance out the negative thoughts you may have.
Try writing down three good things at the end of each day, even small ones like a warm drink or a funny text. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley has more to read on gratitude if you are curious.
9. Remember Loved Ones
If the holidays are hard because you have lost a loved one, try not to push your feelings away. It is normal to miss them even more around the holidays.
Remember happy memories and share them with someone you trust. You might also do something in their honor, like hanging an ornament for them, eating their favorite dessert, or watching their favorite holiday movie.
10. Turn the Mind
Remind yourself that you can get through the holidays and that, in the big picture, each one is only one day a year. Try to enjoy the small moments and remind yourself, “This too shall pass.”
You may have to turn your mind more than once in a single day. Each time you notice yourself spiraling, gently bring your focus back to what is right in front of you.
What Holiday Stress Looks Like at Different Ages
Stress does not look the same for everyone in the family. Here is what you might notice and what can help.
| Who | What you might notice | What can help |
|---|---|---|
| Kids | Meltdowns, clinginess, or trouble sleeping when routines are off | Keeping bedtimes close to normal and giving a heads-up about plans |
| Teens | Irritability, hiding in their room, or dreading certain relatives | Letting them take breaks and having a quiet place to recharge |
| Young adults home from college | Feeling like a kid again, clashing over rules, or missing friends from school | Talking through expectations about curfews, chores, and family time early |
| Parents | Running on empty from hosting, shopping, and planning | Sharing tasks, lowering the bar, and taking a few minutes for yourself |
Holiday Stress or Something More?
Feeling stressed or a little down during the holidays is common. It may be more than seasonal stress when the feelings are heavy, last for weeks, or start getting in the way of daily life.
| What you notice | Typical seasonal stress | Worth getting support |
|---|---|---|
| Mood | Some sad or tense moments | Feeling down or hopeless most days |
| How long it lasts | Eases after the holidays | Lingers for weeks or keeps coming back |
| Sleep and appetite | A little off during busy weeks | Big changes that do not settle |
| Relationships | Some tension at family events | Pulling away from people you care about |
| Daily life | You still get through the day | Hard to get out of bed, go to school, or work |
If you or someone you love is having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, any time of day or night. In an emergency, go to the nearest emergency room.
The American Psychological Association also has helpful information about stress and how it affects your body and mind.
You Will Feel More in Charge of Your Emotions
The holidays do not have to be feared. With these tips, they can be eased and even enjoyed, and with practice, you will feel more in charge of your emotions each time the season comes around.
If you would like extra support, talk to your therapist or doctor. For some people, medication is part of the plan for depression or anxiety. That is a decision made with a doctor or psychiatrist, and we can refer you to trusted professionals if you want to explore it.
How Therapy Helps During the Holidays
Therapy can give you a steady place to sort through family stress and grief, whether the holidays are weeks away or already here. At Davis-Smith Mental Health, our team uses approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which can help you notice stressful thoughts and plan ahead for the hard moments.
It can help to walk into a family gathering with a plan, like a phrase ready for touchy topics and a quiet spot to step away to. Learn more about our anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and teen counseling, or browse our coping skills for teens.
Enjoy the Season With Less Holiday Stress
If this season feels heavier than it should, you do not have to white-knuckle your way through it. We see clients in person at our New Lenox office and through telehealth, as long as they’re physically in Illinois during each session.
Families come to us from Joliet, Frankfort, Mokena, Lockport, Orland Park, and across Will County. Call (815) 409-5940 or request a session online whenever you are ready.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Anxiety is the foundation of everything we do.
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EMDR helps clients process what talk therapy alone can’t reach.
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From children and teens to young adults and adults.
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- Initial assessment $200
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Insurance and rates
Insurance Accepted
We work with most major insurance plans and offer self-pay options. We believe quality mental health care should be accessible. Davis-Smith Mental Health is in-network with the following insurance providers.
We also offer self-pay options and can provide a Superbill for out-of-network benefits.
You don’t have to figure this out alone
If something told you to keep reading this far, trust that feeling. Whether it’s for yourself, your teen, or your young adult, the hardest part is deciding to start. We are here when you are ready.
there is courage in change ♥
