Signs of Anxiety in Children: What Parents Can Look For

Have you noticed signs of anxiety in children that don’t look like worry at all? Maybe it’s the stomachache that shows up every school morning, the bedtime that drags on with “one more question,” or the meltdown over a sock that feels wrong.

Kids between 5 and 12 often don’t have the words to say “I’m anxious.” Instead, their worry comes out through their bodies, their behavior and the things they suddenly want to skip. Once you know what to look for, those confusing moments start to make a lot more sense.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, we help kids and families make sense of big feelings every week. Here’s what anxiety can look like at this age, what you can say in the moment, and how to tell when it may be time for a little extra support.

Why Anxiety in Kids Can Be Hard to Spot

Worry is a normal part of growing up. Little kids fear the dark and loud noises, and older kids start worrying about real-life things like getting hurt, tests and friendships. The KidsHealth guide to childhood fears and worries walks through how these fears change with age.

The tricky part is that some anxious kids keep their worries to themselves. The CDC’s page on anxiety and depression in children points out that anxiety can show up as irritability, trouble sleeping, headaches or stomachaches, so it’s easy to miss.

Some kids get very quiet and go along with everything. Others look angry or defiant when what they really feel is scared. That’s why the signs of anxiety in children so often get mistaken for being picky, stubborn or “just tired.”

Common Signs of Anxiety in Children Ages 5 to 12

Every child is different, but these are some of the most common signs of anxiety in children we hear parents describe:

• Stomachaches and headaches: Real aches that tend to show up before school, sleepovers, practices or anything new. Your child isn’t faking it; worry really can make a tummy hurt.
• Clinginess: Not wanting you to leave the room, following you around the house, or needing to know exactly when you’ll be back.
• Meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere: Big reactions over small things, often after holding it together all day at school. If this sounds familiar, our post on after-school meltdowns goes deeper.
• Avoidance: Suddenly not wanting to go to school, birthday parties, practice or a friend’s house, even things they used to love.
• Lots of “what if” questions: “What if you’re late picking me up?” “What if I throw up?” Asking the same question over and over and still not feeling reassured.
• Sleep trouble: Taking a long time to fall asleep, needing you to stay, or waking up and coming into your room.
• Perfectionism: Erasing homework until the paper tears, getting very upset about small mistakes, or not wanting to try something unless they know they’ll be good at it.
• Irritability: Snapping at siblings, crying easily, or seeming on edge, especially during busy or unpredictable weeks.

Seeing one or two of these now and then is very normal. What matters most is how often they happen, how long they last and how much they get in the way of your child’s everyday life.

What Anxiety Can Look Like at Different Ages

Anxiety tends to show up a little differently as kids grow. Here’s a general picture of what you might notice:

Age	What it can look like	What often helps
5 to 7	Clinging at drop-off, fears about the dark or monsters, tummy aches, tears at bedtime	Predictable routines, short and confident goodbyes, a comfort object
8 to 10	Lots of “what if” questions, worries about getting in trouble, avoiding sleepovers or new activities	Naming the worry together, small brave steps, praising effort
11 to 12	Worry about grades and friends, perfectionism, irritability, headaches before school	Listening first, problem-solving together, keeping calm downtime in the week

Kids don’t grow up by the chart (if only!), so your child may not fit neatly into one row, and that’s okay. Use it as a starting point for noticing patterns, not a checklist. For older kids, our post on signs of teen anxiety picks up where this one leaves off.

What to Say When Your Child Is Anxious

When your child is worried, the first goal isn’t to fix it. It’s to help them feel heard and a little steadier. Here are some phrases you can try:

• “It makes sense that you feel nervous. New things can feel scary.”
• “I’m right here. We can figure this out together.”
• “Your body is telling you it’s worried. Let’s take some slow breaths with me.”
• “What’s the worry saying to you right now?”
• “You’ve done hard things before. Remember the first day at your new class?”
• “You don’t have to feel brave to be brave. You can feel scared and still try.”
• “I’ll be back after school, right here in this spot. I can’t wait to hear about your day!”

You can also ask a few gentle questions at a calm time, like on the car ride home or while you’re making dinner. Asking what the hardest part of the day was, or what helped even a little, can open the door without putting your child on the spot.

Step by Step: How to Help in the Moment

When worry hits, try walking through these steps:

1. Stay calm yourself. Your child borrows your calm. Lower your voice, slow down and take a breath first.
2. Name the feeling. “It looks like you’re feeling worried about tomorrow.” Naming it helps it feel a little smaller.
3. Help their body settle. Try slow breaths, a big hug, a glass of water or squeezing a pillow. Drawing or coloring together can help too.
4. Talk about the worry. Once they’re calmer, ask what the worry is telling them and what they think might actually happen.
5. Plan one small brave step. Instead of skipping the whole party, maybe they go for 30 minutes with you nearby.
6. Notice the effort. “You were nervous and you went anyway. That was brave!” Praise the trying, not just the outcome.

Some days these steps will help right away, and some days they won’t. That’s okay. Every time you stay steady and kind, you’re showing your child that big feelings can be handled.

Common Mistakes Parents Make (and What to Try Instead)

We all do some of these! When we love our kids, we want to make the hard feeling go away as fast as possible. Here are a few common ones and gentler swaps:

Instead of this	Try this
“There’s nothing to be scared of.”	“I can see you’re scared. Let’s figure out what would help.”
Letting them skip everything that feels scary	Breaking it into small, doable steps
Answering the same worried question again and again	“We talked about that. What do you think the answer is?”
Rushing in to solve every problem	“What’s one thing you could try first?”
Getting frustrated when they melt down	Waiting until everyone is calm, then talking it through

Avoiding scary things brings quick relief, which is why it’s so tempting. The KidsHealth guide also notes that letting kids avoid their fears can keep those fears going, so small, supported steps usually help more over time.

When Signs of Anxiety in Children May Be More Than a Rough Patch

Every child has anxious seasons, like the start of a school year, a move or a new sibling. It may be time to reach out for support if you notice that:

• The worry isn’t going away: It has lasted for weeks or keeps coming back, even when things are calm.
• It’s getting in the way: Your child is missing school, avoiding friends or skipping activities they used to enjoy.
• Their body is struggling: Stomachaches, headaches or sleep problems keep showing up, and their doctor hasn’t found another cause.
• Home feels tense: Mornings, bedtimes or transitions have turned into battles most days.
• Your gut says something is off: You know your child best, and that feeling is worth listening to.

Seeing these signs of anxiety in children doesn’t mean something is terribly wrong, and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It just means your child could use a few more tools, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. The AACAP Anxiety Disorders Resource Center also has helpful information for families.

If your child ever talks about wanting to hurt themselves or you’re worried about their safety, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time of day or night. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

How Davis-Smith Mental Health Helps Kids With Anxiety

At Davis-Smith Mental Health, every therapist on our team works with anxiety, and helping kids feel calmer and more confident is a big part of what we do. Our page on child anxiety therapy shares more about how we work with kids and families.

With younger kids, sessions often include games, drawing or role-play, so therapy feels more like a conversation than a test. Kids might role-play a tricky moment before it happens, like saying goodbye at drop-off or asking a friend to play. For kids who struggle with goodbyes, our page on separation anxiety explains more.

For children under 12, parents stay closely involved, usually with updates at the end of sessions, so you’ll know how to keep practicing at home. Families come to us from New Lenox and all over Will County, including Mokena, Frankfort and Joliet. You can meet our therapists, and we’ll match your family with the therapist who fits best.