Thank you notes were a big deal in the house I grew up in. My family was generous when it came to holidays and birthdays, and my grandparents were always quick to remember the milestones and let me know they were thinking of me.
Something my parents always instilled in me was to write a thank you note no matter how big or small the gift. I used to dread them and hated taking the time to do them, and it was not until my adult years that I truly appreciated a written thank you.
At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, we work with children, teens, and families, and we love simple habits like this one that help kids feel connected to the people around them.
Why Thank You Notes Are So Thoughtful
So why is it important to write thank you notes? Okay, yes, call me “old school,” but there is something special about getting a note in the mail instead of a quickly typed thank you text.
A handwritten note shows that you took time out of your day to let someone know how much you appreciated them. It shows you are grateful for the thought and time they took to pick out a card or gift.
That same thoughtfulness you received gets given back, letting them know you care about them just as much. For grandparents and family friends, a note can even become a keepsake that stays on the fridge for months.
Keep It Simple
Thank you notes do not have to be long-winded or full of emotion. They can be as simple as saying you appreciate the thought, the generous gift, or the fact that someone remembered something special.
It can be nice to share what you plan to do with the gift. Maybe you are saving it for your first car, or maybe you have been eyeing a new pair of shoes.
The important part is letting the person know you appreciate it and will use it. This simple formula helps kids who freeze up in front of a blank card:
- Greet them. “Dear Grandma,”
- Name the gift. “Thank you so much for the art set.”
- Say how you will use it. “I already used the markers to draw our dog.”
- Add something personal. “I hope we get to see you soon.”
- Sign off. “Love,” and your name.
What if your child didn’t like the gift?
What if your child already has the gift, or did not want or need it? It is still important to thank the other person and be courteous, keeping any feelings about not liking it to themselves.
Thank them anyway for their thoughtfulness and the time they took picking it out. Kids can focus on the kindness behind it, like “Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday.”
What a Thank You Note Looks Like at Different Ages
The goal is to match the note to what your child can do, so it feels doable instead of like a punishment. Here is a rough guide:
| Age | What they can do | How you can help |
|---|---|---|
| Preschool (3 to 5) | Draw a picture, add stickers, or sign their name | Write down what they want to say, word for word |
| Early elementary (6 to 8) | Write one or two sentences with help | Offer a fill-in-the-blank template and help with spelling |
| Older kids (9 to 12) | Write a short note on their own using the formula | Keep cards and stamps handy and check in on the list |
| Teens | Write a personal note that mentions how they will use the gift | Give a gentle reminder, then step back and let them own it |
How to Make Thank You Notes Less of a Chore
I dreaded writing notes as a kid, and plenty of kids feel the same way. A few small changes can make it feel a lot less like homework:
- Write them within a week or so of the birthday or holiday, while the excitement is still fresh.
- Set up a cozy note-writing time with hot chocolate or music, and write your own notes alongside your kids.
- Break a long list into a few notes a day instead of one marathon afternoon.
- Let kids pick out their own cards or decorate plain ones.
- Tuck in a photo of your child using the gift.
- Let younger kids put on the stamp and drop the envelope in the mailbox.
Notes are not only for gifts, either. A coach who stayed late, a teacher at the end of the year, or a neighbor who fed the dog all deserve a few kind words, too.
If a handwritten note truly is not possible, a thoughtful video message or phone call still teaches the same lesson. What matters most is taking the time to thank someone personally.
Skills of Empathy and Gratitude
By writing thank you notes, your child will learn the essential skills of empathy and gratitude. It keeps them humble and helps them grow into giving, gracious adults.
They will learn the value of receiving as well as giving in return. When a child stops to think about how Grandpa picked out that sweater, they are practicing seeing the world through someone else’s eyes.
You can help that along by talking about the giver while your child writes. A question like “What do you think Grandma was hoping you’d feel when you opened this?” turns a chore into a small lesson in empathy.
I’ve learned over the years how much it matters to feel appreciated when you do something for another person. I could not really grasp that until I had practice appreciating others myself.
Boost Your Mood With Gratitude
Gratitude makes the other person feel loved and appreciated. Many people find it lifts their own mood, too.
Practiced daily, gratitude can help build mindfulness, the habit of noticing the good things right in front of you. It can bring a fresh outlook and a deeper appreciation of everyday moments.
The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley has a collection of articles on gratitude if you want to learn more. Here are some easy ways to practice it at home beyond the notes:
- Share one good thing from the day at dinner or bedtime.
- Keep a family gratitude jar and read the slips together at the end of the month.
- Thank teachers, coaches, and bus drivers out loud, so your kids see you do it.
- Notice small kindnesses out loud, like a sibling sharing or a neighbor shoveling the walk.
- Write a note to someone just because, with no gift involved.
- Try volunteering together as a family.
When Gratitude Is Not Enough
Gratitude is a lovely habit, and it can be one helpful piece of feeling better. It is not a cure for depression, though, and a child or teen who is really struggling needs more than a positive outlook.
| What you notice | A normal low day | Worth reaching out |
|---|---|---|
| Mood | Sad or grumpy for a day or two | Sad, irritable, or empty most days for two weeks or more |
| Interest | Still enjoys favorite things | Loses interest in things they used to love |
| Sleep and appetite | Small changes during busy times | Big changes in sleep or eating |
| Friends and family | Wants some alone time | Pulls away from friends and family |
| How they talk about themselves | Has an off day | Says they are worthless or that nothing matters |
The National Institute of Mental Health has helpful information for parents on child and adolescent mental health. If your child ever talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or go to the nearest emergency room if they are in danger.
How Therapy Can Help Kids and Teens
If your child seems stuck in a low mood, therapy can help them understand what they are feeling and learn ways to cope. At Davis-Smith Mental Health, sessions with teens are relaxed and conversational, and some teens open up more while drawing, walking, or doing an activity.
For children under 12, parents stay closely involved, usually with updates at the end of sessions. Teens 12 and older have privacy in what they share, and parents are always told if there is a safety concern.
Learn more about our child therapy, teen counseling, and depression therapy, or read our post on positive mindset practices for teens.
Raise Kids Who Feel Connected and Grateful
Small habits like writing notes help kids feel connected, and sometimes a child needs more support than a habit can give. We see children, teens, and families in person at our New Lenox office and through telehealth, as long as they’re physically in Illinois during each session.
Families come to us from Joliet, Frankfort, Mokena, Lockport, and across Will County. Call (815) 409-5940 or request a session online to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions
Personalized care
Licensed, caring therapists
Every therapist on our team works with anxiety. We will match you with the right therapist for you.
Anxiety at the center
Anxiety is the foundation of everything we do.
EMDR-trained care
EMDR helps clients process what talk therapy alone can’t reach.
Every age and stage
From children and teens to young adults and adults.
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Our New Lenox office or secure online therapy for clients in Illinois.
In-network with
- Aetna PPO
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- Initial assessment $200
- Ongoing sessions $150
Insurance and rates
Insurance Accepted
We work with most major insurance plans and offer self-pay options. We believe quality mental health care should be accessible. Davis-Smith Mental Health is in-network with the following insurance providers.
We also offer self-pay options and can provide a Superbill for out-of-network benefits.
You don’t have to figure this out alone
If something told you to keep reading this far, trust that feeling. Whether it’s for yourself, your teen, or your young adult, the hardest part is deciding to start. We are here when you are ready.
there is courage in change ♥
