Parenting Tips for Teens: 5 Practical Ways to Stay Close

If you are searching for parenting tips for teens, you have probably heard this one before: “They said it would get easier. They said it would be fun.”

I don’t know who “they” are, but parenting teens in this generation isn’t close to being easy. The reality is that teens can be draining. As they look for independence, they can start to act like they know everything, talk back more, and always have an excuse.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health in New Lenox, IL, we counsel teens and families from across Will County. Here are five parenting tips for teens that can help you communicate better, enjoy being home more, and feel closer to your teen.

I Was That Teen

I was THAT teen who thought she knew everything. My goal was to correct anyone and everyone, and since I had it all figured out, why would I need help?

I vividly remember one time my mom and I were in the car. We were talking about another teacher I didn’t like, one I kept getting in trouble with for talking, not listening, and being uncooperative.

When you think you know everything, it is hard to believe that a teacher you don’t like could add anything to your world. Then my mom asked, “Each year you have a problem with a teacher. Do you ever stop and think that maybe the problem might be you?”

I, of course, told her no. It did make me wonder, though.

Highlight Strengths and Choose Your Battles

As an adult, I can recognize I was part of the problem. My mom clearly knew it too, but I am grateful for how she handled my stubbornness.

Parenting is recognizing the strengths and weaknesses in your son or daughter. It means deciding to highlight the strengths and choosing your battles on the weaknesses.

Choosing your battles is about saving your energy for what truly matters. That way, your teen can tell the difference between a preference and a firm line.

Here is one way to sort it out:

Usually let it go	Talk it through together	Hold the line
Hair color, clothing style, music taste	Grades slipping or missed assignments	Wearing a seatbelt and driving safely
A messy bedroom with the door closed	How much time they spend on screens	Alcohol, vaping, and drugs
Eye rolls and the occasional sigh	How they speak to you and their siblings	Anything that puts their safety or someone else’s at risk

Every family’s columns will look a little different, and that is okay. Each of the parenting tips for teens below builds on the same idea: your teen should hear more about their strengths than their weaknesses.

Tip 1: Build Them Up and Keep Encouraging

It is crucial that your teen gets positive feedback as often as possible during these years. At this age, teens often feel like others are watching them more closely and criticizing their choices.

That feeling brings more insecurity and less trust in themselves. Encouragement from home helps balance out all of that outside pressure.

When you encourage your son or daughter, they may not respond, or they may brush it off. You may not get what you were hoping for back, but I promise you they are listening.

I have teens come in all the time and say, “My mom said that,” or “That’s what my dad said!” Keep encouraging. It will pay off down the road, and they will eventually thank you, even if it is in adulthood.

Encouragement You Can Use This Week

• “I noticed how hard you worked on that.”
• “You handled that situation really maturely.”
• “I trust you to figure this out, and I’m here if you need me.”
• “I’m proud of the person you are becoming.”

Try to give encouragement on its own, without a “but” or a request tacked on at the end. Our post on how to motivate your teen has even more phrases that build teens up.

Tip 2: Listen, Even When They’re Wrong

This may be a tough one, because parents like to fix things. I can’t tell you how many times I have told teens, “You get to choose, and I will be here regardless of what decision you make.”

Sometimes they will make the wrong choice, and you will know it while they are making it. It is still theirs to make. This may seem like crazy parenting, but it helps your teen tremendously.

As much as we want to be in control and “set them straight,” that approach can lead to more acting out. You may be thinking, “But I don’t agree with their decision.” Saying you will be there does not mean you are condoning it.

When you listen first, your son or daughter is more likely to hear what you have to say, less likely to become oppositional, and more open to your advice in the future. You also have to be willing to really listen to them.

Ignoring their thoughts and feelings teaches them to do the same thing to you. Giving them a chance to get out what they are feeling helps them avoid reacting hastily or impulsively.

What Listening Looks Like in Real Life

• Put your phone down and turn toward them, even if they only talk for a minute.
• Let them finish before you respond, even when you disagree.
• Reflect back what you heard: “So it sounds like you feel your coach is being unfair.”
• Ask before advising: “Do you want my thoughts, or do you just need to vent?”

Tip 3: Find Activities You Can Share

Having activities you enjoy doing with your son or daughter helps with connection! The more you connect with your teen, the easier parenting becomes.

You feel more included in their life, and they feel more valued. Activities help build relationships, make room for open communication, and create lasting memories.

If you don’t have something you enjoy doing with your teen yet, I challenge you to find one. Remember when you took the time to learn about something a boyfriend or girlfriend loved, just so you could spend more time together? The same thing needs to happen with your teen.

Even if you don’t love the activity, taking an interest in it lets your teen be the leader. That alone can build a strong bond.

Not sure where to start? Let them teach you their favorite video game, cook something together, or watch a show they love and talk about it afterward. Car rides count too, since many teens open up more side by side than face to face.

Tip 4: Compromise When You Can

Compromising with a teen is a nice win for everyone. If your son or daughter wants to go to a party and you don’t have a good feeling about it, look for middle ground.

That might sound like “I will drive you there,” or “You can go, but I want you home by ten.” Maybe they want a new phone that is way too expensive, so a compromise could be having them pay for half or using a prepaid plan to keep the bill down.

Whatever you come up with, the goal is to keep the conversation going. It helps them see that not everything is an instant no.

When teens believe the answer will always be no, can you guess what they start doing? They stop asking, start doing it anyway, and apologize later (if they are caught).

That can lead to bigger problems. They may start to believe they are smarter than the rules, feel the risks are worth the reward, and make choices with much more serious consequences.

You don’t have to compromise on everything, just some things. When you are unsure, name your worry out loud, like “I’m nervous because I don’t know the family hosting,” and ask your teen what would help ease it.

Tip 5: Let Natural Consequences Teach

Natural consequences are the ones that happen on their own, without you stepping in. If your teen decides not to study for a test, the natural consequence might be a failing grade.

Another example: your teen skips showering for five days, and their friends notice and say something. Sometimes that does more than a dozen reminders ever could.

Sometimes parents decide a natural consequence isn’t enough and add more on top. In some situations, that becomes too many consequences and causes more tension or problems.

A teen who already feels bad about what they did is already down. It doesn’t help to add criticism from the people they love most.

Sometimes the natural consequence is more than enough! Your teen is probably expecting extra consequences from you, so choosing to talk instead can open a real conversation about what they learned.

That choice helps the relationship deepen and builds trust on both sides. You don’t have to do it often for it to work. A few things you might say:

• “That grade stinks. How are you feeling about it?”
• “What do you think you’d do differently next time?”
• “Is there anything you need from me?”

One important exception: natural consequences are for lower-stakes situations. When safety is involved, like driving, substances, or someone getting hurt, step in right away.

When Parenting Tips for Teens Meet Resistance

Unfortunately, kids don’t come with a manual! There may be times you try to encourage or connect and your teen meets you with resistance and anger.

Don’t give up. As one of the teens I work with said, “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to blow up at my parents.”

It can feel so personal when you reach out and get rejected. I am here to tell you it is not personal. They are trying to find out who they are, and sometimes they go about it the wrong way.

When you hit a wall, take a break and try again later. A calm “Let’s talk after dinner” beats pushing through an argument, and keeping your own voice low and steady helps more than you might think.

Typical Teen Pushback or Something More?

Even the best parenting tips for teens can’t fix everything, and some struggles need more than a change at home. Here are a few ways to tell the difference:

What you see	Typical teen pushback	Time to reach out for support
Attitude	Eye rolls, sarcasm, wanting the last word	Constant rage, or anger that feels out of proportion
Mood	Moody for a day or two, then back to themselves	Sad, irritable, or hopeless most days for weeks
Friends and family	Wants more time with friends and less with you	Pulling away from everyone, friends included
School	Arguments about homework or a dip in one class	Grades dropping across the board or refusing to go
Risky choices	Testing a curfew or a rule	Drinking, vaping, drugs, or other risky behavior

If several things in the right column sound familiar, it is worth reaching out. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, has helpful information for families of kids, teens, and young adults who are struggling with their mental health.

If your teen ever talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, which is free and available 24 hours a day. In an emergency, go to the nearest emergency room.

How Therapy Helps When Parenting Tips for Teens Aren’t Enough

Sometimes a teen needs a safe person outside the family, and sometimes parents need a fresh set of eyes too. Reaching out does not mean something is terribly wrong, and it does not mean you failed.

At Davis-Smith Mental Health, our sessions with teens are relaxed and conversational. We use approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Motivational Interviewing to help teens handle big emotions and make choices they feel good about.

We can also help you figure out how to bring up counseling with your teen. Learn more about teen counseling and emotional regulation therapy, or read what to expect at the first session. For more ideas on calming things down at home, see our post on five ways to decrease tension in the home.